Spark: A young person sat in my office and they lsted all the things about the person they wer dating, how wonderful and how grea they are. On a piece of paper, this person seemed amazing. And then they said, “But, there’s just no spark. So I am going to end it.” I’m confused. What’s spark. You just listed all of this wonderful stuff about this person but there’s no spark? Spark is this physical attraction, emotional high, if you don’t have all of that all of the time, the relationship is not worth it. I am not anti-spark. You better have spark. But I wonder if we have it out of balance. Or understand what it really needs. Theres something going underneath that really the problem. But FOMO and spark are just the symptoms. What is the really core issue behind these? Why do we have a fear of missing out and the need for spark. Spark is connecting with someone, agree, natural attraction, Lack of that communication, We wait for the spark to begin instead of investing and let the spark come Your generation functions in a stimulated, constantly changing, “always gotta have the newest gadget,” “it’s gotta be exciting or entertaining or its super boring” kind of world. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that this “spark” that everyone is telling me about is just another word for this feeling – this “its got to be new, exciting, always entertaining, stiumulating” feeling.
Spark: Another cultural trend that is taking away from the divine purposes of dating is a thing called “spark.” As far as I understand, spark is when you find yourself immediately physically attracted to someone else. I think because your generation is such a visual generation, outward appearance has become a huge thing in relationships. And maybe not just outward appearance, but how everyone else feels – or ranks, or “likes,” about someone’s outward appearance. If I were to ask you how important physical attraction is in a relationship, what you would probably tell me to my face is that its only a 5 or 6. But in your mind you would be thinking a much higher number. Because it seems uneaccptable to put so much emphases on beauty. Well, I believe outward appearance should be a 10 to you. My wife is a 10. She’s my 10. If you want to rank her on a worldly beauty, maybe she’s not a 10. But what’s a 10? The idea of the spark is that can we rank them a 10 from the very first moment of seeing her? They either became 10s or dropped out. My wife became a 10 to me as I came to know her. The more I got to know her. As I saw the whole of who she was. Your generation is being bombarded with this making an instant determination if you are interested in someone based on what they look like. How often there is masterpieces that go unnoticed in the world that we are in in dating. Among both genders. In that process if we don’t have spark or perfection we struggle. Inner beauty matched to their outward appearance Each one is wonderfully crafted in ways we could never grasp. Categorizing women as hot or not. Immediately categorizing, assessing her desirability. When you start to see the corner of someone’s smile, you are beginning to see what really matters. Fears and anxiety about getting married – paralyzing fear, was I ready, was she the right choice, would she make me happy? “You’re being totally selfish so I’m going to make this really simple. Marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy. You marry to make someone else happy. More than that you’re marriage isn’t for yourself, you are marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them marriage isn’t for you. It’s not aobut you. Marriage is about the person you married.
What would happen if dating wasn’t about us. You still need to have some kind of spark. In the process if we marry to make ourselves happy, we will find we will never be happy. I just want to get married so all of my problems will be over. The worst part and I need someone to make me happy. When we feel entitled, we will struggle. Choose your love and love your choice.